Information & Resources for
Teens, Parents & Educators
YWCA Enid is dedicated to fostering healthy relationships among teenagers. Here, you'll find essential information on recognizing signs of abuse, guidance for parents to initiate conversations with their children, and the significance of educating teens about healthy relationships. Let's work together to raise awareness, provide resources, and foster a community committed to building healthy youth relationships!
47% of dating teens have been victims of dating violence
65-75% of teens report experiencing digital dating abuse. Being controlled and monitored through technology is most common.
47% of dating girls & 35% of dating boys experience emotional dating abuse
18.5% of dating girls & 19.4%of dating boys experience physical dating abuse
13.6% of dating girls & 8.3% of dating boys experience sexual dating abuse
For Teens ↘
What type of relationship are you in?
Healthy
A healthy relationship means both you and your partner are:
Open and honest communication
Mutual respect for each other
Trust and honesty
Equality in decision-making
Enjoying personal space and time away from each other
Making decisions together
Financial independence
Setting and respecting healthy boundaries (emotionally, physically, sexually, and digitally)
Willingness to compromise equally
Keeping passwords and digital devices private
Participating in each other’s hobbies and interests
Supporting each other’s personal goals, like schoolwork or career
Always asking for and respecting consent
Unhealthy
You may be in a unhealthy relationship if your partner is:
Lack of communication, with poor efforts to address issues openly.
Consistent disrespect, including belittling or demeaning comments.
Lack of trust, including accusations of cheating, spying, or constant questioning of your actions.
Dishonesty or lying, frequently hiding the truth or telling false stories.
Controlling behavior, Isolates from friends, family, or support systems due to manipulation or control.
Excessive communication or monitoring.
Pressure to engage in activities or actions you're uncomfortable with.
Violating physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries without consent.
Unpredictable mood swings or explosive outbursts.
Abusive
Abuse is occurring in a relationship if your partner is:
Communicating in hurtful or threatening ways, including accusations of cheating or denying abusive actions.
Isolating you from others, shifting blame, or exhibiting possessive and controlling behaviors.
Having explosive outbursts or mood swings, and gaslighting or using mind games to control or manipulate.
Disrespecting sexual boundaries through coercion, threats, or force.
Insulting, demeaning, or engaging in verbal or emotional abuse.
Hitting, slapping, choking, punching, or other forms of physical abuse.
Stalking or digitally monitoring your location and digital activity.
Requiring or Chorusing you to share your location, passwords, or show your phone history or monitors and controls your communications and online activity.
What are the Types of Dating Abuse?
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Verbal abuse includes insults, belittling comments, and other harmful words meant to demean or manipulate. While not physical, it still causes significant emotional harm and should not be dismissed.
Examples of verbal abuse include yelling, screaming, insulting you, or accusing you of cheating. It can also involve threatening harm to you, your pets, or loved ones, or threatening self-harm to stop you from ending the relationship. Additionally, verbal abuse may include gaslighting, questioning your memory, trivializing your feelings, or making threats to expose personal details, such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
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Sexual abuse involves pressuring, coercing, or forcing someone into unwanted sexual activity, as well as actions that impact a person’s control over their sexual choices, such as rape, oral sex, or controlling reproductive decisions. It’s not always a violent attack, and most victims know their assailants. Sexual abuse can affect individuals of any gender or sexuality, regardless of relationship status.
Sexual abuse includes unwanted kissing or touching, rough or violent sexual activity, and restricting access to contraception or protection against STIs. It also involves sexual contact with someone unable to give consent due to intoxication, unconsciousness, or sleep. Other forms include threatening, pressuring, or forcing sex, using sexual insults, and any behavior that disregards consent. It's important to recognize that a lack of resistance does not imply consent, and the narrative that it does complicates reporting. Understanding and respecting boundaries in intimate relationships is essential.
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Financial abuse, though often subtle, is as harmful as other forms of abuse. It exploits economic inequality by using money or financial control to manipulate actions, decisions, or restrict the ability to work, undermining health and well-being.
inancial abuse includes controlling or limiting access to money, such as giving an allowance, depositing paychecks into inaccessible accounts, or preventing access to shared bank records. It can involve forbidding work, taking transportation, or sabotaging employment. Abusers may hide or steal financial support, misuse personal information for loans, max out credit cards, or refuse to provide basic needs. Other examples include misusing joint funds or spending on themselves while restricting you, giving gifts with expectations of return, and using finances to control your actions.
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Spiritual abuse occurs when someone uses religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate, control, or harm another person. This can involve exploiting religious authority, imposing beliefs or practices against someone’s will, or using faith to justify harmful behaviors. It undermines an individual’s spiritual autonomy, often causing confusion, guilt, and shame.
Spiritual abuse involves using religious beliefs or authority to control, shame, or manipulate someone. It can include demanding obedience, isolating the person from other beliefs, justifying harmful actions through faith, and controlling spiritual practices. Additionally, it may involve shaming individuals, punishing them for questioning beliefs, and forcing them to abandon their faith.
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Digital dating abuse involves using technology, such as texting or social media, to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. This form of abuse is often verbal or emotional and occurs online. Healthy relationships require respectful communication in all forms, and it is never acceptable for a partner to harm, manipulate, or diminish your self-esteem.
Examples of digital abuse include controlling who you can interact with on social media, sending insulting or threatening messages, and using social media to monitor your activities. It may also involve humiliating you online, pressuring you for explicit content, stealing or demanding account passwords, constantly texting or expecting you to be always reachable, and checking your phone without permission. Additionally, it may include using technology like spyware or GPS to track your movements.
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Stalking involves repeatedly watching, following, or harassing someone, causing fear or a sense of unsafety. It can be carried out by someone you know, a former partner, or even a stranger. Stalking behaviors may vary by state but generally include persistent, harmful actions aimed at unsettling the victim.
Examples of stalking include showing up uninvited at your home or workplace, sending unwanted texts, emails, or messages, leaving unsolicited gifts, or making repeated phone calls. Stalkers may also use social media to track your activities, spread rumors, or manipulate others to gather information about you. Other behaviors include waiting at places you frequent, damaging your property, or hiring a private investigator to monitor your movements.
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Physical abuse includes any deliberate, unwanted contact with your body or objects near you, as well as actions intended to harm, injure, disable, or endanger your life. Even if it doesn’t cause visible injuries or physical pain, it is harmful and should always be taken seriously.
Physical abuse includes behaviors such as scratching, punching, biting, strangling, or kicking, as well as throwing objects at you. It may involve pulling your hair, pushing or grabbing you, or using weapons like guns, knives, or bats to threaten or harm you. Other examples include non-consensual touching, forcing sexual acts, grabbing your face to make you look at them, and preventing you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere.
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Psychological abuse involves actions that manipulate, control, or harm someone’s emotional well-being. This can include tactics such as gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, or threats to undermine the victim’s sense of self-worth or reality. It aims to create confusion, fear, or dependency, often leaving emotional scars without visible signs of harm.
Psychological abuse involves behaviors designed to manipulate, control, and undermine the victim's sense of self. This includes gaslighting, where the abuser makes the victim doubt their memory or perception, constant criticism, and belittling. It may involve threatening harm to the victim or loved ones, isolating them from friends and family, and using emotional blackmail or guilt to control their actions. The abuser may monitor or control the victim's activities, create fear through intimidation, or withhold affection as punishment. These tactics are intended to make the victim feel powerless and unsafe.
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Emotional abuse involves non-physical behaviors like threats, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, stalking, excessive monitoring, or constant “checking in.” These actions aim to control or harm and can make a relationship unhealthy, even without physical abuse.
Examples of emotional abuse include calling you names, putting you down, intentionally embarrassing you in front of others, blaming you for abusive behavior, and making you feel guilty for not consenting to sexual activity. It also involves controlling who you see or talk to, threatening to take your children away, and using threats to manipulate you or prevent communication with family and friends.
What Makes a Healthy Relationship?
Healthy Communication
Healthy communication is key when setting boundaries, involving honest discussions and respect for each other's comfort levels. Healthy boundaries are about understanding and communicating what makes each partner feel comfortable or uncomfortable within the relationship. Setting and respecting boundaries creates a foundation for trust and emotional safety. It’s important to recognize that boundaries can evolve over time, so ongoing communication is necessary to adapt to these changes. Mutual respect for each other’s needs and feelings helps both partners feel valued and supported.
Healthy Conflict Resolution
Healthy Conflict Resolution involves effective communication, respect, and understanding each other's perspectives. When arguments arise, it's important to find the real issue behind the disagreement and decide whether agreeing to disagree or compromising is the best solution. If the issue is significant, it’s crucial to stress your position, but also consider your partner’s views. By focusing on the core problem and respecting each other's needs, conflict can lead to growth and a stronger relationship. Addressing any violations of boundaries promptly and respectfully is essential to maintaining a healthy dynamic.
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries are essential for creating trust, respect, and a sense of safety. It’s important to be mindful of each other's feelings and to ensure that both partners feel supported without being pressured. Respecting emotional boundaries means listening without judgment, not using emotional manipulation, and giving space when needed. Teens should feel empowered to express their needs and establish clear limits, fostering a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
Digital Boundaries
Digital boundaries include respecting each other’s privacy by not sharing personal messages, photos, or social media posts without consent. It’s important to communicate openly about comfort levels with texting, social media interactions, and online presence. Setting clear limits on how much time is spent online and ensuring that both partners feel respected in digital spaces is key. Partners should feel empowered to set boundaries that protect their emotional well-being and foster a healthy balance between their online and offline relationships.
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries are essential in a healthy relationship, where both partners communicate openly about their comfort levels and respect each other’s limits. These boundaries should reflect personal readiness, and there should be no pressure to go further than one feels comfortable with. Partners should feel safe expressing changes in boundaries, and consent should always be mutual. Setting and respecting physical boundaries helps create trust and ensures both partners feel valued and secure in the relationship.
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If you're trapped in an abusive relationship, it's crucial to take steps to break free. Ending ties with an abusive partner is often challenging, especially when emotions are involved. It's natural to miss them but remember why you're choosing to walk away. Your well-being should always come first.
When you're ready to end things, don't let your partner manipulate or coerce you into staying. If they threaten harm, either to you or others, seek help from a trusted adult immediately. Your safety is paramount, so don't hesitate to reach out to your parents, friends, or other support networks for assistance.
If facing your partner in person feels unsafe, consider alternative methods of communication, such as calling, texting, or emailing. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in your relationships. Abuse is never acceptable, and you deserve better.
Know that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate through it. Confide in someone you trust, whether it's a parent, friend, or health provider. Seeking guidance from a therapist can also provide invaluable support as you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse.
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Consent is Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. FRIES
*Freely given: Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, force, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. There's no such thing as implied consent in any relationship.
*Reversible: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you decide you don’t want to continue what you and your partner are doing right at that moment.
*Informed: You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
*Enthusiastic: You should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
*Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like doing anything other than making out)
Remember YES means YES, the absence of a NO does not mean YES.
More examples of what consent looks like & What is the Legal Role of Consent
For Parents ↘
Warning signs of relationship abuse in your teens & how to talk to your teens about healthy relationships.
Empower your teen with the knowledge to make informed and healthy choices in all types of relationships, including their dating life!
It’s never too early to talk to your child about healthy relationships and dating abuse. Whether you believe your teen is currently in an unhealthy relationship or has not yet begun dating, talking about healthy relationships and dating violence is crucial for their safety and well-being - now and in the future.
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*Problems with school attendance
*Lack of interest in former extracurricular activities
*Isolation from friends or family
*Unexplained bruising or injuries
*Making excuses or apologizing for partner’s behavior
*Noticeable change in weight, demeanor, or physical appearance
*Extreme jealousy or possessiveness from your child’s partner.
*Constant emails, texts, or calls from their partner.
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It's crucial to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and respect for the autonomy of your teen. Attempting to force or coerce someone to leave an abusive relationship may lead to resistance and could potentially isolate them further.
*Listen & Give Support: Be a good listener, ensuring they feel comfortable opening up to you.
*Accept What Your Child is Telling You: Believe your child even if it's difficult to hear, fostering trust.
*Show Concern: Express concern for their safety and emphasize their right to respect.
*Focus on Behaviors, Not Individuals: Discuss observed abusive behaviors rather than speaking negatively about the person involved.
*Avoid Ultimatums: Resist giving ultimatums, allowing your child to make their own decisions.
*Be Prepared: Educate yourself on dating abuse, helping your child identify warning signs and promoting healthy relationships.
*Create a Safety Plan: Work together to develop a safety plan tailored to their situation.
*Decide on Next Steps Together: Collaborate on determining the next steps, respecting their autonomy.
*Encourage your Teen to talk to a counselor, therapist, or a helpline.
Remember that patience, empathy, and ongoing support are key when helping someone navigate the complexities of leaving an abusive relationship.
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*Choose the Right Time and Place: Ensure your teen feels comfortable discussing relationships in a relaxed and private setting.
*Active Listening, Be Open and Non-Judgmental: Listen without judgment and validate their feelings.
*Encourage Open Communication and Acceptance: Let your teen know you're there to listen and support them, even if the information is difficult.
*Educate About Healthy Relationships: Emphasize respect, communication, Boundaries, and consent.
*Focus on Respect and Boundaries: Discuss emotional, physical, and digital boundaries, stressing the importance of respecting personal space.
*Discuss Warning Signs: Talk about the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, such as controlling behavior, isolation, or emotional manipulation. Emphasize that anyone can be a victim.
*Address Digital Safety: Stress the importance of establishing boundaries online and respecting each other's privacy. Discuss the potential repercussions of location sharing and engaging in sexting.
*Explore Consent: Explain the concept, ensuring your teen understands it should be mutual, enthusiastic, and continuous, with the right to say no at any time.
*Share Resources: Provide resources such Love Is Respect or Break the Cycle for your teen to visit.
*Revisit the Conversation: Keep communication open by revisiting the topic periodically, staying engaged, and observing any changes in behavior or mood.
Other ongoing Examples:
*Be an active participant in your teen’s life: Actively participating in your teen's life allows you to offer guidance on healthy relationship dynamics you see.
*Creating a Supportive Environment: Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed
*Modeling Healthy Relationships: Your own relationships and interactions serve as a model for your teen
*Early Intervention: Early identification of warning signs allows for timely intervention and support. Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed.
For Educators↘
It’s crucial to talk to your students about healthy relationships - YWCA can help!
Through prevention education, youth are empowered to make informed decisions about their relationships and gain valuable insight into healthy relationship dynamics. Armed with this knowledge, teens develop the confidence to set boundaries, advocate for their needs, identify potential red flags, and navigate complex interpersonal interactions effectively.
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Our presentations are for all ages, spanning Elementary to High School students. Materials are modified to be age and gender appropriate for each audience. The importance of healthy relationships at all levels is stressed, as dating interactions are not the only relationship focused on. Healthy relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and peers are also discussed with students.
Our presentation includes:
*Healthy Relationship Fundamentals
*Developing Healthy Communication & Trust
*Identifying Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries (Emotional & Physical)
*Digital Boundaries (Including Internet Safety & the Consequences of Sending Inappropriate Material, as age-appropriate)
*Understanding Manipulation & Controlling Behaviors
*Red Flags in Relationships – How to Spot Them & Seek Help
*Brief Overview of YWCA Services – Youth Services like Project Cinderella & Counseling
*Q&A Activity to Test their Knowledge
We offer separate presentations for Grade School, Middle School, and High School students. We have also found it helpful to separate the boys and girls in MS & HS for these presentations. This helps to ensure smaller groups and more active participation, and that the material is age and gender appropriate for all in attendance.
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Education is a powerful tool in preventing teen dating violence is crucial for several reasons:
Prevention of Abuse: Teaching teens about healthy relationships helps them recognize and avoid abusive behaviors, reducing the likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating abuse.
Communication Skills: Learning about healthy relationships promotes effective communication skills, helping teens express their needs, boundaries, and emotions constructively.
Self-Esteem: Understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship can boost teens' self-esteem and self-worth, enabling them to seek and maintain relationships that are respectful and fulfilling.
Long-Term Well-Being: Developing healthy relationship skills early in life sets a foundation for future well-being, leading to healthier interpersonal connections and greater overall life satisfaction.
Digital Literacy: Educate teens about healthy online interactions and the need for mutual respect and consent in all online interactions, including keeping passwords private.
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While elementary and middle school students may seem young to discuss dating relationships, it's essential to start these conversations early for several reasons:
Children as young as elementary school age begin to observe and imitate behaviors they see in their peers and media. By discussing healthy relationship dynamics, we can counteract potentially negative influences and provide positive role modeling. While the content of these discussions may be age-appropriate and tailored to their developmental level, it's never too early to begin teaching children about respect, communication, and boundaries in relationships. By educating students about healthy relationships early on, we can help prevent the development of unhealthy relationship patterns, such as dating violence or abuse, in their future relationships.
FAQs
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YES!
Teen Dating Abuse is a significant problem affecting many adolescents. Research indicates that a concerning percentage of teens experience some form of dating abuse, whether it's emotional, physical, or digital.
These abusive behaviors can have profound and long-lasting effects on the well-being and development of young people:
Victims are more likely to fare poorly in school, engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse, experience mental health issues, and face challenges in adulthood.
Survivors may struggle with intimacy, societal integration, personal values, and identity formation.
Perpetrators risk damaging future relationships and may engage in bullying. Early recognition of these issues is crucial for prompt intervention.
Addressing Teen Dating Abuse is crucial to promoting healthy relationships and ensuring the safety and security of teens in their relationship interactions.
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Teens may stay in abusive relationships due to several factors, including lack of awareness about abuse dynamics, rationalizing their partner's behavior, internalizing blame, and fear of repercussions. Limited exposure to healthy relationship models and education on abuse may hinder their recognition of abusive signs, making it challenging to seek help. They might attribute their partner's actions to temporary challenges like stress or substance abuse, minimizing the severity of the abuse. Additionally, some teens may blame themselves for the abuse, further complicating their ability to leave. Fear of retaliation or escalating violence also keeps them trapped. Addressing these issues and providing resources and support networks are crucial in empowering teens to break free from abuse.
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YES!
Digital Dating Abuse happens when one person controls, harasses, stalks, and abuses their dating partner via technology and social media.
Examples could include:
*Excessive communication attempts such as frequent calls, texts, and messages to check up on the partner.
*Anger or frustration when the partner doesn't respond promptly to communications via texts, calls, or social media.
*Engaging in cyberbullying by spreading rumors, insults, or humiliating the partner online.
*Sending threatening messages, including those indicating harm to oneself, the partner, or property.
*Invading privacy by demanding access to passwords and PIN codes and reading the partner's phone and messages without consent.
*Tracking the partner's location or activities, possibly through their phone.
*Monitoring the partner's social media activity, including posts, likes, and friends.
*Controlling the partner's actions and whereabouts by questioning their activities and demanding removal of friends or posts on social media.
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Visit our Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Stalking Information and Resource pages to learn more.
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*Only 1/3 of the teens who were involved in an abusive relationship confided in someone about the violence.
*CDC research indicates that teenagers in LGBTQ+ relationships in the US face an equal or greater risk of experiencing dating abuse compared to their peers in heterosexual relationships.
*Dating abuse can begin as early as the 6th grade.
*50% of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide.
*Adolescent girls between the ages of 12 and 17 face the highest risk of sexual assault and rape, with approximately 35% of perpetrators being individuals in dating relationships. The majority of other perpetrators are typically friends or acquaintances of the victim.
*Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior.